Because April is sexual assault awareness month, we have been talking a lot about stranger danger, as we should. Yet in many cases, predators are not strangers. They are neighbors and acquaintances, hiding in plain sight.
We spend thousands of dollars on home alarm systems, install video cameras, and have big scary guard dogs (or post signs that claim we do). We expend valuable time and effort protecting our homes from unauthorized entry by strangers, yet some of the most dangerous individuals are those we invite in.
Sometimes we do not invite them, yet we fail to protest when they invite themselves. For predators, this is a test. Boundary probing may be a prelude to more devious behavior.
Fortunately, there are measures you can take to both perceive and prevent boundary violating behavior before more intimate boundaries are crossed.


Neighborhood Watch Includes Watching Your Neighbors: Familiarity Breeds Contentment[1]

Neighborhood Watch programs are ineffective unless they consider both the danger outside as well as the danger within. In a previous column discussing why we miss signs of potential terrorists in the workplace,[2] I discussed the research behind the phenomenon of familiarity breeding contentment.
This counterintuitive finding debunks the frequently cited cliché that “familiarity breeds contempt.” How does this work? Part of the explanation is quite practical. Proximity increases the chances of interaction and forming relationships.[3] The proximity effect correlates liking and physical distance, and was generated from studies involving university students identifying their most intimate friends as those who lived the closest, with whom they associated most frequently.[4] Proximity generates attraction.[5] Through maximizing exposure, proximity enhances liking.[6]


This false sense of security, however, can give rise to the “Ax Murderer Next Door” syndrome, where the next door neighbor of the serial killer describes him as—say it with me—“such a nice guy!” When questioned further, however, the next-door neighbor admits she thought he was nice because he was “quiet” or he “kept to himself.” In other words, she thought he was “nice” when she knew nothing about him at all.
Whether we live on a residential street or an apartment complex, we behave the same way. We smile and wave to neighbors we see every day, perhaps we even sent our children over selling Girl Scout cookies! Proximity breeds the perception of safety, which is very different than the real thing.
Regardless of your square footage, your home is your castle. Here are some tips to fortifying your walls.


Predator Proof Your Home by Enforcing Physical Boundaries

Have you ever had someone you knew walk into your home uninvited? How did you react? When a predator does this, it is a test. Some people fail to protest an uninvited home intrusion out of fear of being perceived as rude, because the boundary violator is as a neighbor. One sexual predator I prosecuted breezed through his neighbor´s front door without knocking, having lived next door for almost a year. What did she say about his failure to knock? Nothing. The next day he did it again. Her failure to enforce boundaries established behavioral precedent that gave the offender easier access to her son, who he went on to molest.

Dissolving Emotional Boundaries Helps Dissolve Physical Ones

Physical boundaries are often penetrated with emotional ammunition, as devious predators charm and disarm. One of the most disarming strategies manipulators use to break down defenses with neighbors is helpfulness. Helpful people within close proximity to our home are wonderful to have around, just in case we need something. That is exactly why predators adopt this positive, socially endearing strategy.
Sexual predators use helpfulness to ingratiate themselves with victims and their families.[7] They offer to fix things, help with errands, or babysit, free of charge.[8] Their assistance leads beneficiaries to describe them as “too good to be true.”[9] They are.
Helpfulness can lead to the blurring of boundaries, affording the predator increased access to a victim´s family through creating a sense of indebtedness.[10] One mother describes reluctantly allowing a neighbor who had been working on her car for several years to walk into her house and pour himself a cup of coffee.[11] The first time it happened, not only did she refrain from objecting because he had spent time working on her car, she even offered to make him a sandwich.[12]


Site Hardening

Your home should provide both sanctuary and security. Accordingly, protecting your residence requires perception and proactivity. Vet your friends and neighbors carefully, remain attune for boundary probing behavior, and shore up any cracks to protect yourself and your family.


About the author:

Wendy Patrick, JD, PhD, is a career prosecutor, author, and behavioral expert who spent years prosecuting sex offenders. She received the SART Response with a Heart Award from the Sexual Assault Response Team based on her significant contribution to the field of sexual assault prosecution. Dr. Patrick is the author of Red Flags: How to Spot Frenemies, Underminers, and Ruthless People (St. Martin´s Press, 2015), and co-author of the revised version of the New York Times bestseller, Reading People (Random House 2008).
She lectures around the world on sexual assault prevention, safe cyber security, and threat assessment. The opinions expressed in this column are her own.