Matters of sex, relationships, sexual orientation, and gender identity all used to seem much simpler than they are now – even if they really weren’t. Now, the list of letters that used to be limited to LGBT never stops growing. The additions to all the sexual orientations include some non-sexual, or not very sexual, orientations. We’ve also learned to appreciate orientations other than sexual ones, such as orientations toward relationships. A binary that once seemed utterly self-evident, male vs. female, is now routinely questioned.

Reading a terrific thesis, “Party of One,” by Kristen Bernhardt, woke me up to the proliferation of new concepts relevant to relationships, sexual orientations, gender identities, and more. (Thank you, Kristen.) So I set out to spend an evening gathering some relevant definitions. Many days later, I was still at it. I admit to shaking my head in exasperation a few times along the way. Ultimately, though, I ended up feeling enormously optimistic. No longer is there just one way to approach sex, love, or relationships that is valued and appreciated. People who, not so very long ago, may have wondered what was wrong with them now have a new answer: Nothing. People who secretly wondered why romantic relationships were valued above all others can now find validation for their perspective. Maybe they aren’t oddballs, but forward-looking, open-minded, democratic thinkers.
I’ll share definitions for 60 terms – just a sampling of the universe of possibilities that are out there. One of the most comprehensive sources I found was a glossary provided by the University of California at Davis. Unless I specifically mention one of the other sources I drew from, my definitions are from that glossary.


To try to make sense of the 60 terms, I’ve organized them into five sections. Other categorizations would have been possible.

1. Sex vs. gender: what’s the difference? And what about sexual orientation vs. gender identity?
2. What is your sexual orientation?
3. What kind of attraction do you feel toward other people?
4. What is your orientation toward relationships?
5. How do you value different relationships?

I. Sex vs. gender: what’s the difference? And what about sexual orientation vs. gender identity?
“Sex” and “gender” aren’t the same.

Sex (1) is “a medically constructed category…often assigned based on the appearance of the genitalia, either in ultrasound or at birth.”

Gender (2) is “a social construct used to classify a person as a man, woman, or some other identity.”

Remember when we thought there were just two sexes, male and female, and everyone just assumed that anyone born male or female was, in fact, a male or a female? Now it is much more complicated. Here are some of the concepts that challenge those notions:

Non-binary (3): “A gender identity and experience that embraces a full universe of expressions and ways of being that resonate for an individual. It may be an active resistance to binary gender expectations and/or an intentional creation of new unbounded ideas of self within the world. For some people who identify as non-binary there may be overlap with other concepts and identities like gender expansive and gender non-conforming.”

Gender expansive (4): “An umbrella term used for individuals who broaden their own culture’s commonly held definitions of gender, including expectations for its expression, identities, roles, and/or other perceived gender norms. Gender expansive individuals include those who identify and transgender, as well as anyone else whose gender in some way is seen to be stretching the surrounding society’s notion of gender.”

Gender non-conforming (5): “People who do not subscribe to gender expressions or roles expected of them by society.”

Gender fluid (6): “A person whose gender identification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-based expectations. Being fluid in motion between two or more genders.”

Bigender (7): “having two genders, exhibiting cultural characteristics of masculine and feminine roles.”

Gender queer (8): “A person whose gender identity and/or gender expression falls outside of the dominant societal norm for their assigned sex, is beyond genders, or is some combination of them.”

Polygender (9) or Pangender (10): “Exhibiting characteristics of multiple genders, deliberately refuting the concept of only two genders.”


Neutrois (11): “A non-binary gender identity that falls under the genderqueer or transgender umbrellas. There is no one definition of Neutrois, since each person that self-identifies as such experiences their gender differently. The most common ones are: Neutral-gender

  (12), Null-gender (13), Neither male nor female (14), Genderless (15) and/or Agender (16).”