I am on holiday with one of my husband's boys and his lovely wife and little boy. We are in a beautiful place and the weather is gorgeous. What struck me though particularly was the young wife's ability to obtain what she requires.


We, of our generation,  and coming from an English background,  were brought up with the unspoken rule that we should be cheerful, compliant,  and grateful for what we have received, whatever that might be. In fact that was the grace we spoke aloud at our Anglican school  before every meal no matter if the porridge was burned or the meat cooked beyond all recognition or the vegetables grey. "For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful," we dutifully intoned.


Yet we read literature with some feisty heroines who should have been role models like Katherina in the" Taming of the Shrew"  or Jane Eyre or even Dorothea Brooke in "Middlemarch."  Yet when our teacher asked us how many of us would like to marry Heathcliff ( the Byronic hero in "Wuthering Heights")  all the hands shot up.  Obviously we were in for trouble.


This young woman seems to have received a different message. Admittedly she is beautiful, has a gorgeous figure,  and walks with grace, but above all she does not hesitate to make her desires known,  and if they are not met to speak up and protest. If something is not to her liking she says so. She makes it plain if she is hungry, tired,  or wishes to be on her own. As I said to her, "Why didn't someone teach me the art of getting what I desired?"


At the same time she is sympathetic, aware of others, and notices what is going on around her. She has a strong sense of family and watches out with admirable patience and love for her little boy.  She does not hesitate to make his needs as well as her own known. How I wondered had she learned this lesson? Was it through the school of hard knocks? Or was she just born with the understanding that she was worth something, that she was precious, had the right to speak up?


So many of us women are apologetic about our basic needs, do not have the courage to speak up or to speak out, will do anything to avoid a fight. Perhaps too with age we have learned that we cannot always acquire what we would want, that we need to pick our battles carefully, to keep the peace,   but it is certainly refreshing and salutary to see someone handle life and particularly men so adroitly and with such grace !


Sheila Kohler is the author most recently of "Once We Were Sisters" a memoir available from Peguin or Canongate