A Semi-Parody One Item Personality Test
A Semi-Parody One Item Personality Test
What is the opposite of eating?
I thought it would be amusing to play with the idea that you can tell
something about a person by asking them a single question.
Psychologists were asked in the 1950s to screen potential American
sailors for referral for a comprehensive psychiatric
evaluation. The psychologists, working for the Navy, selected some
psychological tests and developed algorithms for screening, but then
they were told that they would have only 15 seconds with each sailor.
They came up with the question, “What would you do if on your next
birthday someone gave you an elephant?” In the 1950s, this question
reliably generated a reaction of surprised delight and a recognition of
its absurdity. Other reactions were suspect.
So, what is the opposite of eating? I present below some possible answers and what they might say about you. But please, this is supposed to fun, on a par with a horoscope.
A. Pooping
This is a depressive vision of people as tubes, a fundamental frame of biology that reduces us to our most basic processes. Find something that makes you soar. Or maybe you’re just a nurse who’s seen too many bedpans.
B. Vomiting
You have either an eating disorder or a small child.
C. Exercising
You are obsessed with your physical appearance and spend your life on the scale balancing calories in and calories out. Or, you’re a dietitian.
D. Drinking
A healthy acceptance of the frame of ingestion embedded in the question and extending it to the natural complement of eating. Extra points if you meant a beverage that enhances the food.
E. Ordering
A hypomanic framing of the question around what you do in a restaurant when you are not eating. It’s hypomanic because it imagines that life is a night out. The depressive version of this answer is waiting for the check to arrive. The dependent version is trying to get the waiter’s attention.
F. Starving
You are either acutely aware of the existential dilemma or you are constantly annoying people by making them feel guilty about those who are worse off. Your life is given texture by acknowledgment of its shadow, or you are a pain in the ass.
G. Sleeping
My personal answer—the only situation in which I don’t think about food for an extended period of time.
So, what is the opposite of eating? I present below some possible answers and what they might say about you. But please, this is supposed to fun, on a par with a horoscope.
A. Pooping
This is a depressive vision of people as tubes, a fundamental frame of biology that reduces us to our most basic processes. Find something that makes you soar. Or maybe you’re just a nurse who’s seen too many bedpans.
B. Vomiting
You have either an eating disorder or a small child.
C. Exercising
You are obsessed with your physical appearance and spend your life on the scale balancing calories in and calories out. Or, you’re a dietitian.
D. Drinking
A healthy acceptance of the frame of ingestion embedded in the question and extending it to the natural complement of eating. Extra points if you meant a beverage that enhances the food.
E. Ordering
A hypomanic framing of the question around what you do in a restaurant when you are not eating. It’s hypomanic because it imagines that life is a night out. The depressive version of this answer is waiting for the check to arrive. The dependent version is trying to get the waiter’s attention.
F. Starving
You are either acutely aware of the existential dilemma or you are constantly annoying people by making them feel guilty about those who are worse off. Your life is given texture by acknowledgment of its shadow, or you are a pain in the ass.
G. Sleeping
My personal answer—the only situation in which I don’t think about food for an extended period of time.
