I Miss My Mom
I Miss My Mom
My mother acts like 2 different people.
Dear Dr. G.,
I'm a young female teenager. I'm only about to turn fourteen. It feels like I have two mothers, and it's horrible. I have major anxiety issues and depression. My mother, while I love her, I don't like her as a person. In public and around her friends she's sweet and kind. She's calm and wants to help everyone. Everyone likes her.
At home she is different. She has a mood disorder she refuses to acknowledge and she's tearing our family apart! My dad is afraid she's going to leave. She snaps at everyone, even my little sister who's only four! She's mad about everything, and if you say the wrong thing she blows up. She gets mad at my dad over stupid things. Once he did the dishes for her and she got mad. She also spends money when she's stressed, and she's always stressed. So I'm over here needing new glasses and a therapist and she's buying clothes off the internet and chocolate from the store and shoes off the internet. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm going to explode. She scares me so badly, so I can't tell her how I feel, but I don't know what I can do. I can't talk to her, because one minute she's my mom and the next she's this angry person who thinks everyone else is causing her bad mood. She yells at us, and she snaps at us. When I cry she tells me to stop, like it's a burden. It's not making me any better. She's one of my main sources of anxiety, and sometimes I wish she'd just leave! I'm so tired. I'm so done. I just want my mom back, you know? Not this stranger.
A Distressed Teenager
Dear Teen,
I am so sorry for all of the suffering that you are enduring. From my perspective you are dealing with a number of very difficult issues. You are correct. You have a right to have a mother who is both kind and predictable in her emotions and behavior. Life would also be better for you if your father was able to intervene and help you deal more effectively with your mother. Unfortunately, in life we don't always get what we need from our parents. Sadly, in those cases we may become sad and anxious and feel unloved and a lack of control and power.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with a mother who seems so unstable. It seems very clear that both your mother and the family would benefit from your mother getting professional help. Is there a trusted adult who can speak to your mother about this? I do not think that you should suggest this to her. She is likely to become enraged and see this as a criticism. You are already tiptoeing around your mom and it sounds like that is for good reason. You don't want her to get more and more upset with you.
It is not uncommon for people to appear one way to people outside of the family and another way to the family. This is often the difference between public and private behavior. It must be extremely frustrating for you when others speak so highly of your mother. Sadly and ironically many individuals show their worst side to those whom they experience the most emotions with and that is usually family.
I suggest that you go to a trusted school counselor or school psychologist and begin to talk to someone outside of the family about what is going on at home. Just speaking about the family dynamics may give you a bit of relief. Perhaps, someone at school can involve your mother in getting you therapy. It seems to me that you would benefit tremendously. You seem like both a sensitive and psychologically-minded young woman who longs to feel better. Additionally, speak to a trusted individual about your need for glasses. This is an extremely important need.
It makes sense that you are currently exhausted, frustrated and out of sorts. It makes even more sense for you to find a way to get treatment so that you can feel better despite your mother. Even though your mother does not appear to be attending to your or her own emotional needs does not mean that your needs are unimportant. I wish you the best of luck.
Dr. G
I'm a young female teenager. I'm only about to turn fourteen. It feels like I have two mothers, and it's horrible. I have major anxiety issues and depression. My mother, while I love her, I don't like her as a person. In public and around her friends she's sweet and kind. She's calm and wants to help everyone. Everyone likes her.
At home she is different. She has a mood disorder she refuses to acknowledge and she's tearing our family apart! My dad is afraid she's going to leave. She snaps at everyone, even my little sister who's only four! She's mad about everything, and if you say the wrong thing she blows up. She gets mad at my dad over stupid things. Once he did the dishes for her and she got mad. She also spends money when she's stressed, and she's always stressed. So I'm over here needing new glasses and a therapist and she's buying clothes off the internet and chocolate from the store and shoes off the internet. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm going to explode. She scares me so badly, so I can't tell her how I feel, but I don't know what I can do. I can't talk to her, because one minute she's my mom and the next she's this angry person who thinks everyone else is causing her bad mood. She yells at us, and she snaps at us. When I cry she tells me to stop, like it's a burden. It's not making me any better. She's one of my main sources of anxiety, and sometimes I wish she'd just leave! I'm so tired. I'm so done. I just want my mom back, you know? Not this stranger.
A Distressed Teenager
Dear Teen,
I am so sorry for all of the suffering that you are enduring. From my perspective you are dealing with a number of very difficult issues. You are correct. You have a right to have a mother who is both kind and predictable in her emotions and behavior. Life would also be better for you if your father was able to intervene and help you deal more effectively with your mother. Unfortunately, in life we don't always get what we need from our parents. Sadly, in those cases we may become sad and anxious and feel unloved and a lack of control and power.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with a mother who seems so unstable. It seems very clear that both your mother and the family would benefit from your mother getting professional help. Is there a trusted adult who can speak to your mother about this? I do not think that you should suggest this to her. She is likely to become enraged and see this as a criticism. You are already tiptoeing around your mom and it sounds like that is for good reason. You don't want her to get more and more upset with you.
It is not uncommon for people to appear one way to people outside of the family and another way to the family. This is often the difference between public and private behavior. It must be extremely frustrating for you when others speak so highly of your mother. Sadly and ironically many individuals show their worst side to those whom they experience the most emotions with and that is usually family.
I suggest that you go to a trusted school counselor or school psychologist and begin to talk to someone outside of the family about what is going on at home. Just speaking about the family dynamics may give you a bit of relief. Perhaps, someone at school can involve your mother in getting you therapy. It seems to me that you would benefit tremendously. You seem like both a sensitive and psychologically-minded young woman who longs to feel better. Additionally, speak to a trusted individual about your need for glasses. This is an extremely important need.
It makes sense that you are currently exhausted, frustrated and out of sorts. It makes even more sense for you to find a way to get treatment so that you can feel better despite your mother. Even though your mother does not appear to be attending to your or her own emotional needs does not mean that your needs are unimportant. I wish you the best of luck.
Dr. G
